Competition

Gold Rush Fever
by Dan O'Donnell

I've had me share of illness - like measles. myelitis.
mumps and massive migraines. and also meningitis.
mesothelioma (some call that asbestosis).
an' heart and liver troubles. The Doc calls that cirrhosis!

I've suffered with gall bladder and gastro-enteritus.
dislocated joints galore and itchy dermatitis.
cholesterol imbalance. dilation of the iris.
and loss of lots of brain cells from meningococcal virus.

I've had conjunctivitis. with cancer had a bout
and when they gave me chemo. all me flamin' hair fell out!
I caught the dreaded polio. and then tuberculosis
and on a Qantas jumbo-jet. I got deep-vein thrombosis.

On one flight out of Asia on Airlines of Korea
before we even left the ground I developed gonorrhoea.
and while I'm on that subject. there's one thing that I'm urgin'.
next time you have to take a flight. be sure to book with Virgin!

To germs I was a magnet. Each microbe told his mate
that I was home-away-from-home for wogs to congregate.
I hosted germs from everywhere - Sydney. Rome. Geneva -
­then one appeared from Ballarat: the deadly Gold Rush Fever.

But this Fever’s made me healthy. though it’s brought me little gold:
I'm now too busy at me trade to catch a common cold.
All day. all night. in rain or shine. I hunt incessantly
for the massive reefs of shiny gold waitin' underground for me.

It keeps me very busy - at home. in foreign lands.
You know that ancient saying: sickness seeks out idle hands.
I prospect here. pan-handle there. and everywhere encounter
some other healthy nomads also with a geiger-counter.

So. to rid yourself of illness. you should get a miner's pick
and you'll be far too busy to waste time on being sick.
You can kiss goodbye forever to sniffles. colds and 'flu .
‘cos the nasty little microbes will be all too slow for you!