Competition

First Prize

The Garden Club
by Noel Stallard

The garden gurus gathered from each grotty garden shed,
to share in monthly meeting all the gard'ning they had read.
There's clones of Peter Cundell with their bloomin this and that,
Don Burke and Backyard Blitzing blokes who love a garden chat.

There's Better Homes and Garden clones all crowded in the hall,
all waiting for the latest garden process to install.
So join me as we listen to this cultivating crew,
who just can't wait to propagate what they will find anew.

You'll notice there's a gentleman who sits all on his own.
That's Fergus Fertilizer who just smells like blood-and-bone.
He works in cow manure mulch with compost ambience,
exuding that aroma of organic flatulence.

Now Fanny Frangipani heard from Periwinkle Pete,
that if you pat petunia petals, they will grow a treat.
"Their colour too intensifies," said Henrietta Heap.
"I pat my petals every night before I go to sleep".

Then hands shot up like garden weeds to share what they had grown.
"My buffalo grass stampeded when it saw that Blood and Bone".
This came from Olive Orchard whom we know just loves a say,
"My Maiden Hair wont perm at all; my Egg Plant just wont lay."

But Rhonda Rhododendron said, "Don Burke has found this link;
that when you work with Pansies then make sure your wearing pink.
For Pansies are reactive to their colourful surrounds,
and they are prone to go quite limp in unresponsive grounds.

Now Hyacinth Hydrangea, whom at times can be quite blue,
was hailed as Propagating Champ by all this Garden Crew.
Her skills in reproduction are the envy of the land,
and every member of the club's been 'round to lend a hand.

But scandal broke when grapevine's gossip Poisoned Ivy, said,
" Young Polly Pollinator's been in Big Red's veggie bed.
And Flirt-Eliza's been there too," went Ivy's telethon.
"I'm not sure if there's seedlings but the Nursery's light's been on."

Then Daphne Dahlia's daisy bush was voted number one,
though Mildred Marigold said loud, "My orchid should have won."
"I've got the biggest bloomers," shouted Jacaranda Jill;
but when she re'lised what she'd said she really felt a dill.

The meeting closed and all stood up to sing their garden song.
I'm sure I've heard the tune before, among some sporting throng!
Australian Gardeners all unite against our common foe;
of weeds and pests and droughts and grubs that damage what we grow.

Our lawns be green in summer time our flowers bloom in spring;
our shrubs and plants send forth their shoots and colour everything.
Our bloomin' lot is bloomin' good; that's what we bloomin' sing.