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The Story of God
by Nicola Philp

Whilst in the line at Coles today, with fish and bread and milk,
I noticed that the man in front wore Spartan robes of silk.
His beard was long, His eyes were bright, He greeted with a nod,
He shook my hand with a soft 'Hello' and said His name was God.

"Why God!" I cried. "Do you shop here?" (seemed rather odd to me),
God glanced around and whispered close "Well, Heaven's dear you see.
In recent years, things went downhill, the crowds drifted away,
but running costs keep on the up, there're always bills to pay."

"Oh dear", I said, "are things that bad? I'd never really thought,
that things up there might not run smooth, if inflows are at nought."
God looked quite stressed, and tired too, it seemed he felt the crunch.
I took a breath and then a chance and asked him out to lunch.

I knew a place, not far from there that did some awesome pie,
so in we went and down we sat and then I asked him 'Why?'
God breathed in deep and settled in, it seemed his tale was long -
He went to start, then shook his head "Where did it all go wrong?"

"Well years ago", he waved his hand "when life was just a spark,
I thought I'd try my hand at life, add colour to the dark.
I sat around and racked my brains, on what I'd like to see,
had writer's block for weeks on end until my 'Let there be... .

light was the first part I did need, to take the dark away,
and then to names, I thought a bit, then called them night and day.
What came next?" God mused awhile, "Oh yes, day two of seven.
I needed space, somewhere to chill, and thus created Heaven.

Next part was hard, I needed land and had to move the sea,
I also made some plants and fruit - all this on just day three!
Day four begat the stars and moon and finally the sun,
this helped divide the time in parts, told when a day was done.

Okay, I thought, what do I need? There's something it doth lack,
but nothing came, my thoughts were blocked, I tried a different tack.
Had all this space, but nothing there, no single sound was heard,
then in a dream, a vision rose, of fish and whale and bird.

I stopped to look at what I'd made, consult my bag of tricks,
and thus appeared the men and beasts created on day six.
To man I said: 'Now you're in charge - a patron if you would,'
I then stepped back to check my work - and it was very good.

The seventh day, it came along, and I was pretty beat,
I called it quits and had a rest, by putting up my feet.
And that was that, I'd made the Earth, was nothing left to do -
or so I thought, oh silly me, till problems trickled through.

In Eden I grew plants and trees, whilst flowers bloomed at will,
and though that's nice, each month I faced, a hefty water bill,
plus Adam and his wife weren't cheap, were just a constant spend -
with 'We need that' and 'We want this', it drove me round the bend!

The devil too, he had a laugh, with snakes and red delicious,
I guess I choked, was scared to fail - reacted pretty vicious.
I stormed and raged, and Eve cried foul as Adam begged and pleaded,
but I was tough, I came down hard, some discipline was needed.

With fig leaves on and life cut short, Eve pained out Cain and Abel,
by then I thought I'd made things clear, put cards upon the table.
As time passed by and folks appeared they soon disproved that theory -
from cheats, deceits to vagabonds, it left me feeling weary.

By then I felt I'd made a mess, could not just sit and wait,
so thought 'That's it, I'll flood the lot', completely wipe the slate.
I told Noah 'Now listen hard, you have to make a boat,
then gather everything in pairs, be sure the thing will float' .

And Noah did, he made the ark and saved all life from end,
from then I hoped that things would change - morality would mend."
Now God leant back, laid down his fork, his hand upon his gut,
He eyed the pie, was still some left, so took another cut.

"Right," God said, "now let me see, where doth this tale next lead?
Oh yes, that's it, to Moses and the listing of my creed.
That burning bush, it was ad hoc, I did it on the spot -
the Earth was dry, I didn't think, I nearly torched the lot!

I parted seas, sent plagues of bugs, made hail and rain and thunder,
it cost a leg and several arms, a real financial blunder -
and plus those folk from Passover kept claiming compensation,
the spiral into debt got worse and only seemed to hasten.

My options shrank and hair turned grey, my creditors were wary,
I saw the light, told Gabriel to go and visit Mary.
Then on that night, so long ago, amongst the sheep and straw,
my son was born, the wise men came, laid gifts outside the door.

I sold the frankincense for cash, the gold went to the bank,
the myrrh I thought I'd use myself, until I found it stank.
So Jesus grew, he went to school, the outflow wouldn't ease,
the belt was tight - the hands were out, for clothes and books and fees.

And that's not all, I'm sad to say, the pressure drove me mad,
it's hard, you know, to run the Earth and be a single Dad.
But faith grew strong, amongst the mass, they flooded back to church -
it paid my debts and best of all, it eased the audit search.

When Jesus died, they still believed, kept praying through the years,
but all this faith was sure to end, evince my darkest fears.
So fights began, between the groups, who followed different books,
from persecution for beliefs, to death because of looks.

The ulcer in my stomach grew - the angels were rebelling,
I had to fine their union boss for pyramid-type selling.
Each hundred years did come and go whilst man learned many things,
caught Cupid out for 'drink'n'drive' , so took away his wings.

Then World War One and number Two hailed years of pain and sorrow,
men braved rain and snow and grief and wondered of tomorrow.
The hippies were a light relief, revival of the flower,
and women threw their hat in too and marched for equal power.

In recent years, zealots have come, each week another nutter,
St Peter's bored and spends our cash on bingo or a flutter.
I'm at a loss, the debts pile up, I don't know what to do -
the Pearly Gates, they need some work, could use a coat or two.

It's space you see, as years pass by, the crowds just seem to grow,
the people smile, say they've been good, I just can't tell them no,
but then they fight, big ego's clash, from Joan of Arc to Zorro,
now D-day's near, I have to act, re-mortgage or to borrow?

Hell's the same, we're both in strife, discussed it in a caucus,
if we're found out, let's hope we're not, reactions would be raucous,
but Lucifer and I agree, we face a major glitch -
this world is great, but it needs help, a :final heartfelt ditch.

Thus ends the tale," God said to me, and stood up from his seat,
"Salvation's going to need us all, twon't be an easy feat,
but man loves life, and I don't think, that he will give in quick,
he needs to stop and listen hard, decide what makes him tick."

He left me there, with parting words that really hit a spot -
He said, "Don't hate what you don't know, or envy what you've not.
" My mind a blur, all I could think was, "Who and How and When?"
I ran outside, but all I heard - an echo of Amen.