Competition

Second Prize

Waterloo
by Brenda Joy
Charters Towers, Qld

For those with running water taps this problem may be small -
Perhaps they live in urban zone with comforts at their call,
But when you're out beyond the range of water for the town
You don't want all your tanks run dry just flushing wastage down.

You get to take a lot of care about how much to use -
A half a flush does 'Number One's', full flushes just for 'Two's' -
When water's such an issue then all in the home agree
Should by mistake full flush be made there's an apology.

This routine seems to go astray when visitors arrive,
It's hard to limit someone who has not had to deprive
Themselves of water for their house or for their garden too,
They've never thought about the waste of water down the loo.

So you just have to grin and bear (and hope they won't stay on)
Then pay to get your tank refilled the minute they have gone,
But we'd a mate who's name was Jim and he could not abide
The cost of water so he made his cobbers go outside.

His wife was from the Philippines and she had lots of friends
Who'd also married Aussie blokes and so on most weekends
They'd get together as a group to cook and rendezvous
- Their favourite place to congregate was outside Jimmy's loo!

Now due to Jim's restricting rules no mate would go on in
To where the ladies gathered round to make their food and din.
They were well trained to water plants and help the fruit trees grow
But came a time there came a man who wasn't in the know.

He was the shy retiring type, a young lad city bred;
His Philippino bride and he had only just been wed,
But she'd a cousin had a cousin who knew Jimmy's wife,
So here he was, out of his depth, to learn of country life.

With all the ladies flocked around he simply did not know
How he would sneak in to the loo, but did he need to go!
So when they were distracted by a recipe gone wrong,
He took his chance and slipped on past the happy noisy throng.

His wee job done all he'd to do was get the heck back out.
He'd almost managed to get through when Jimmy gave a shout.
Our Jim had seen him creep inside and he was on the case;
He pointed finger, stamped his foot - this lad was in disgrace!

How dare he bypass Jim's patrol and run his water out!
'What did ya do in my toilet, ya sniv'lling little lout?"
As every lady turned to stare he stood there face all red,
He stuttered over his reply, "J-just Number One," he said.

"And for that job you did full flush, I can't believe me ears?
I've never known such wastefulness in all me livin' years.
How come ya missed the sign I've hung up on me toilet wall -
'IN HERE'S FOR TWO'S, OUT THERE'S FOR ONES' -or can't ya read at all?

"You haven't heard of El Nino, you haven't heard of drought?
What do they teach you city folk, you know what life's about?
It's all about survival mate and learnin' to make do
and in this household that applies to not flushin' me loo."

To get on in the country there are many things to learn -
What one man takes for granted is another man's concern,
And this poor city lad received a lasting lesson too
For he has NEVER FLUSHED AGAIN -since Jim, his Waterloo.