Competition

Second Prize

Roadtrip
by Sara Stanley
St Mary’s College, Ipswich, Qld

With the old ute packed,
The windows down,
No work for a week
And money in the back pocket
We head down the highway
And over the range
Chasing nothing,
Escaping everything
The twang of the country music
Our loud, out of tune voices
With my head out the window
The wind in my hair
There’s nowhere I’d rather be.
Smiles on our faces,
Akubras on our heads,
We're heading out to nowhere
Just a dusty open road
And a mind full of dreams
It’s the roadtrip of a lifetime
It’s the beginning of life long memories

Third Prize

Letter to the Chief Cosmeticienne (in charge of pores) of the Institute de Beaute
by Elizabeth Waldron
Strathfield, Sydney, NSW

To whom it may concern;
I send this application
To become a beauty pseudo-scientist.
I know that I must learn
To conduct the “right” experiments,
So I’ve replicated studies from your list

But I’ve had a little trouble
With your study definitions –
When I try to replicate them I find this:
Equipment’s hard to find,
And the outcomes are elusive,
And validated measures don’t exist.

For instance, luminosity
(A concept rather quaint)
Is difficult to measure on a scale.
Perhaps if I could borrow
Your old luminosometer,
I think I might just hit it on the nail.

And, just for future reference,
The seven signs of ageing
(As featured in your latest skin campaign)
Are less than I have counted
In repeated observations –
Was your quest to treat the others all in vain?

And my case-control experiment
With “oxygenic facials”
I abandoned when the ethics were in doubt
The control group’s trial environment
Had oxygen removed –
And asphyxiated subjects all blacked out.

Regarding “kissability”
I randomised a trial
And kept the type of lipstick double-blind
But Lynx was the confounder
My subjects ran amok
When lipsticks and deodorant combined.

I wish that you would tell me
What on earth I’m doing wrong
I’ve enclosed my own experimental data,
I’ve shown my aims and methods
My procedures and results
Do you think I’ve breached your pseudo-science charter?